Wondering How to Talk to Girls on Tinder? A Pro’s Guide on What to Say on Tinder

How to talk to girls on Tinder

Maybe you’re new to the Tinder scene, or perhaps you feel that your Tinder game isn’t as strong as you’d like it to be.

It’s normal for a lot of people to find themselves stumped on what to say on Tinder!

But don’t stress because there’s actually a pretty accurate science behind how to talk to girls on Tinder. And if you stick around, you may be well on your way to meeting your Tinderella!

Consider this pro guide on how to talk to girls on Tinder your online dating handbook… one that’ll teach you what to say on Tinder as well as other helpful tricks and hints.

So, let’s start off with a little psychology lesson on women…

When it comes down to finding a match on Tinder, there’s actually a few things that you can use to your advantage. One being, their psychology.

You see, men and women are often referred to as total opposites. Women’s brains are wired a different way, their hormone levels are unlike men’s, and oftentimes they want things that men simply don’t even think about.

girl looking at her phone

So when it comes down to how to talk to girls on Tinder, the more you know about these differences the better.

How to Talk to Girls on Tinder from a Psychological View Point

A woman’s mind responds positively when you talk to her for positive things and pay attention to her thoughts.

According to Marta Meana, a researcher at the University of Nevada, the study has shown that women can feel what men are feeling. If men feel excited about women during a conversation they will feel excited too.

This can be tricky sometimes.

This is a principle that can be used against men because most of them destroy the attraction easily.

If a guy wants to talk to a girl by feeling awkward or nervous he will transmit this feeling to her.

In this case, she will feel the bad energy that is in between them and the conversation won’t be as smooth as it should be.

Even if she is not actually nervous, she will still have a physiological response. Which is usually caused by your feelings.

The real example of how the girl psychology viewpoint is just because their name got spelled wrong.

Psychology View Point Example - Talking with girls on Tinder

These kind of situations may evoke a reaction, but that reaction oftentimes isn’t a favorable one.

Instead, women place importance on intimacy and emotional closeness. They are more hardwired to seek stability.

So, what are the best hints on how to talk to girls on Tinder?

Hint 1: Avoid Jumping Right in With Lovemaking-Related Chat

There is an exception however….

If you think you’re suave enough, women do actually have the capacity to seek relationships as much as men do. They too have the tendency to seek new experiences, making them somewhat complex.

But this only happens when a woman feels safe.

In this way, if you are able to show off your chivalrous side, be a gentleman, and take time to get to know a woman while making her feel tastefully desired, you may find someone who is right for you in the long run or for the short term.

girl holding her bag and phone

You can do this by actively having an actual conversation with her about anything, really!

As it is, men receive far fewer matches than women do, so don’t ruin the ones you do get.

Read her bio and show a genuine interest in a creative manner.

To sum up:

  1. Don’t approach her with lovemaking talk
  2. Be caring, nurturing, and make her feel safe
  3. Once she feels safe, she is as likely as men to put out

Hint 2: How to Talk to Girls on Tinder? Be Attractive

But this doesn’t exactly seem easy to do, does it? In actuality, it is.

While women often respond to things such as height, dominance, confidence, etc. they are equally as responsive to other characteristics such as one’s beliefs, body language, and making do-able changes to appear decent looking.

girl holding a phone

Construct your Tinder profile in such a way that it reflects the following things:

  • Who you are: allow your match to truly get a sense of who you are, whether it is wearing certain clothes or showing off some of your interests in your photos or written bio.
  • Get even the bare minimum amount of exercise: this doesn’t mean that you have to include a gym selfie in your Tinder bio (many women actively dislike this!), but if you present yourself as someone who likes to take care of themselves, it shows that you’ve put some effort into your appearance.
  • Be well-groomed: again, by having a nice haircut that suits your face, getting rid of a unibrow, and taking care of your skin, you’re showing that you take pride in yourself and like to engage in self-care.
  • Body language: sure, this one is hard to be conveyed in a few photos, but using powerful poses (think open face, arms at the side or on your hips) and having a confident and genuine smile can make a big difference. Crossing of the arms is a no-go.
  • Know what you want: having strong beliefs, interests, goals, and values is an extremely attractive quality for women. And if your match’s life direction is congruent to yours, it’ll make you appear even more desirable.

So, now that we’ve taken a walk through the mind of the average woman, let’s look at what to say on Tinder so that you can come out on top.

Brainstorm Session: What to Say on Tinder

You have the knowledge, so let’s take a look at what to say on Tinder, according to the interesting information above.

As mentioned, the first tip on how to talk to girls on Tinder is to avoid jumping right in with talk of one night stands, sexual chemistry, and anything related to it.

Too often, men think that they should talk to girls on Tinder about what they desire. This is usually a straight-to-the-point yet cryptic use of the question, “So, what are you looking for on Tinder?”

Guys, this is the oldest ‘line’ in the book and is a dead giveaway that you’re looking for sex. If you’re wondering about what to say on Tinder, don’t say that. By now, we know that women respond much more favorably to non-lovemaking-related chats (of course there are exceptions).

And even if you are simply looking for a one-time thing or a casual ongoing friends with benefits situation, you need to work your way up to it. If a man shows genuine interest in a woman, even if they are just looking for something of a lovemaking nature, they really can succeed by just being a ‘nice guy’!

So what to say on Tinder to the girl you fancy?

  • Look at her profile
  • Look at her photos and her bio
  • Take an interest in it

Maybe you’ve found something on there that interests you too! If so, mention it.


If she is interested in animal rights activism, mention that you too are an animal lover. Or perhaps ask her about her experience within this capacity. This will start a genuine dialogue and will allow her to talk about her passion while getting the sense that you two may be well-suited.

What to say on Tinder - An real example
What to say on Tinder – An real example

As for the second helpful tip on how to talk to girls on Tinder – be attractive, this involves a complete Tinder profile remodel.

You can achieve this by:

Writing a Tinder Bio and Using it to Find Common Interests

FYI: Empty profiles are usually not a great sign for a woman who is looking to form any kind of relationship. A girl wants to get a sense of who you are, and your written bio can give great insight into this.

Your bio need not be long, but it should encompass something that gives her a real feeling. If you manage to evoke an emotion, you’ve won (saying something witty, like “Looking for someone to take to family events,” for example, will encourage laughter).

Then, use your bio to compliment or add to your conversation.

Write to your match and note the similarities that you two share.

Perhaps you’ve both made it known that you like watching British comedies… this is an excellent tool to navigate a conversation.

Similarity Example on What to say on a conversation

Questions such as: “What’s your favorite British comedy show?” or “Have you seen the IT Crowd? It’s one of my favorites,” is the perfect Tinder conversation starter.

Alternatively, maybe you both share a passion for health and exercise.

Ask questions such as:

“Have you been to the new gym down on Adderley Street? Or, “What’s your favorite workout at the gym?”

Or if you’ve both listed that you like the same bands, ask:

“Which album of theirs is your favorite?” Or, “Do you know when they’ll be on tour next? I’m dying to see them live!”

Question Real Example - What to say on Tinder

By allowing your match to see these things about you, they will almost immediately be more attracted to you.

Whatever your interest, deciding what to say on Tinder should reflect who you are as a person in a genuine way, so that your match can gain real insight, creating a safe space for her.

The real win, of course, is if she messages you first because of the interests that you’ve put on your profile.

How to Talk to Girls on Tinder: The Do’s and Don’ts


  • Send the first message
  • Mention something that you’ve seen on her profile or in her bio
  • Compliment her, but not on her looks
  • Ask genuine questions to show real interest
  • Work on forming a trusting text relationship
  • Once comfortable, move the conversation off Tinder


  • Send generic messages
  • Continuously write to her if she doesn’t respond
  • Send an essay: short and sweet
  • Be arrogant or rude towards a match if they are not interested in you

To sum up, how to talk to girls on Tinder isn’t actually all that difficult. But it does take more effort than a simple, “Hey” or “What are you looking for on Tinder?”

It’s about creating an engaging conversation of mutual hobbies, goals, or beliefs, adding a dash of humble desire, and showing genuine interest in who she is.

This, in turn, will allow her to feel safe and thus she will be more open to letting you into her world. Good luck Tindering!