The game may have changed, but the rules are the same: if you want to find that special someone, you have to be willing to chat up a few strangers.
It’s just that now, instead of reciting poetry under a lady’s balcony or offering to buy her a drink at the bar, you’re starting a conversation with a hot chick on Tinder.
For singletons worldwide, Tinder has been a trusted source for friendship, one night stands, ongoing sexual trysts, and even long-term romantic relationships.
Jumping on the Tinder Train, while daunting at first, has actually proven to be really successful for those seeking… whatever they’re seeking.
Because honestly? It’s WAY easier to start a conversation over text than it is to start one in person.
But just like a first impression (fun fact: it takes someone a mere six seconds to know whether they like you or not), Tinder conversation starters are super important.
The way in which you approach someone can make or break an entire experience.
By using boring or generic Tinder conversation starters, you could be borking your chance at finding ‘the one’… isn’t that tragic?
So, what are some great Tinder conversation starters, you ask?
You’re about to find out.
Grab your pen and paper or make a mental note because soon, you’ll be coming up with intriguing and eye-catching Tinder conversation starters like a pro, putting you one step ahead in winning the game that is Tinder. Yay, you!
Ace Your First Message on Tinder
As a means to help you on your Tinder quest, we’ve created a series of articles which, together, comprise a helpful guide for all things Tinder-related.
This article covers the all-important issue of creating a profile she’ll swipe right on.
This one covers the common Tinder etiquette blunders you’ll want to avoid so you’re not unwittingly wasting your matches.
The article you’re reading answers all of the following questions:
- How do I start a conversation with a hot girl on Tinder?
- What’s the easiest way to start a text conversation on Tinder?
- What are some clever ways to open a Tinder conversation?
- What are some good lines to start a conversation on Tinder?
- What are the best GIFs to start a Tinder flirtation?
Today, you’ll learn:
- 10 different techniques to sending the perfect first message on Tinder
- 5 specific examples of how to send a great first message on Tinder
Let’s dive right in to some Tinder conversation starters / first Tinder message ideas that really work, shall we?
10 Ways to Send The Perfect First Message on Tinder
1. Swipe Right!
You may think this is the fun part, but in actuality, the fun is yet to begin. Swiping is, however, the easiest part!
Take your time; be picky. Only swipe right on the Tinder profiles that truly compel you.
Whatever your motive on Tinder, try to avoid swiping right on every profile.
A solid ground-rule is: if you’re not willing and able to come up with something interesting to say to her, let her go, Bro.
2. Read Your Match’s Profile Before Your Tinder Conversation
A woman’s favorite conversation topic is… herself! Surprise!
Lucky for you, Tinder has a built-in mechanism to help you engage her on this endlessly compelling subject: her bio.
There’s just one catch.
You have to actually read it before you write to her.
Whether you’re looking for a one-time thing, friendship, or something more… read your match’s profile! One of the biggest turn-offs in those first few messages on Tinder is when a match asks you questions that are already answered on your profile.
If she has a bio, read it.
Not only will it save you both a lot of time by sifting out those who are NOT a good match, it’ll give you more insight into the person you’ve matched with, thus giving you the opportunity to customise your first Tinder message.
For example, you’ve found someone you’re crushing on hard and their Tinder bio says that they’re an animal lover. Boom: you’ve basically got golden ammo to use for your first Tinder message.
Say something about the pets that you have, ask them what their favorite animal is, comment on one of their photos where they’re posing alongside an animal, or even dive right in by suggesting a meet-up at the duck pond or local zoo.
But what if she doesn’t have a bio?
I often get asked how to start a conversation on Tinder without a bio to go off of.
Honestly, if she doesn’t have a bio, chances are high that she’s a bot, a scammer, or a cam girl trying to lure you into a pay-to-play situation.
That said, if you still want to try and get a Tinder flirtation going with her, I recommend one of two approaches:
- Ask her about something in one of her photos that is NOT part of her anatomy. In other words, something she is wearing, doing, or holding.
- Make a joke about her missing bio by making wacky, off-the-wall guesses about her.
“Since you don’t have a bio, I’ll just take a wild guess. You’re an astronaut by day, hand model by night. You have a weak spot for poisonous snakes and think Dumb and Dumber is the greatest movie ever made. Your favorite food is chicken liver tacos, and you once spilled your hazelnut latte on Jeff Goldblum in a Whole Foods parking lot. How’d I do?”
3. Engage Her in Conversation
There’s no point beating around the bush, and you know—nothing happens if nothing happens.
You should always be prepared to send your match a Tinder message first and engage her in conversation. This shows confidence, initiative, and genuine interest.
If you think that’s unfair, try bleeding from your nether regions for a week every month. We all have our crosses to bear, m’kay?
So. Sally forth and engage her in clever conversation.
The operative word here is “engage.”
Your message should be an intriguing invitation to engage with you on a topic she’s likely to want to talk about.
And since you read her bio (you DID read her bio, right?), you’ve got plenty of topics to choose from.
4. Use Your Tinder Match’s Name in Your Opening Message
People like to feel special, which is why we each have a name that’s unique and meaningful.
When you use your match’s name in your first Tinder message, you’re showing that you’ve paid attention to her profile and you’re interested in her as a person, not just a collection of nice-looking body parts.
The cherry on the cake? Scientists have found that when you use a girl’s name, it actually activates several parts of her brain.
5. Use Language That Evokes Positive Emotions
Emotional transfer is the key to vibing with a girl.
When you’ve received five messages in a row with a simple, “Hey!” or “Hello!” it starts to get poke-your-eyes-out boring.
To grab her attention and make her want to write back, use language that evokes a positive emotion.
The desired emotion could either be:
- Excitement, by giving her a compliment (on anything BUT her looks!) or playfully flirting with her
- Joy, by making her laugh
- Surprise, by saying something unexpected, or pointing out something you two have in common that isn’t readily apparent from your bio
To create excitement, comment on something she is clearly proud of because she’s included it in her profile pics (like a cute pet, for example), or mentioned it in her bio.
Don’t just tell her she seems like a really fun person to hang out with or that she seems to be a genuine and kind person you’d like to get to know. Tell her WHY.
What gives you the impression she’d be fun to hang out with? What made her come across as genuine?
The more specific you can be, the stronger the emotional response you can generate.
5. Ask a Question
I always recommend opening with a question because, as humans and particularly as women, we’re socialized to respond when someone asks us a question. It feels rude not to.
A statement, though, we can ignore at will.
But what to ask about?
Here are some time-tested topics to get the banter flowing.
Ask her about herself
The lowest hanging fruit is the preferred topic of women everywhere: themselves.
That’s right! All you have to do is get her talking about her, and she’ll think you’re a brilliant conversationalist. Not to mention a “great listener.”
The lazy way to do this is to ask a question any woman probably has an interesting answer to.
“What is the one non-survival-related item you can’t live without?”
“What’s the last book you couldn’t put down?”
“Who was your first kiss?”
“Describe your ideal day.”
Some formulas that work well for coming up with intriguing questions:
This or that?
“Cereal or eggs?”
“Mountains or ocean?”
“If you woke up tomorrow with a superpower, what would it be and what’s the first thing you would do?”
“If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be?”
Two Truths and a Lie
Would you rather
“Would you rather be rich or immortal?”
“Would you rather have the power to talk to animals or to read minds?”
“Your bucket list can only have 3 things on it. What are they?”
“What’s on your bucket list that would surprise me?”
But again, that’s the lazy dude’s method for starting a Tinder conversation, and more discerning ladies will see right through it.
The more effective method for sparking a Tinder flirtation is to mine her bio for specific material to riff off of.
But again: DON’T BE DULL.
Ask her something unexpected.
If she’s got a dog in her pics, instead of asking its name or breed or how long she’s had it, ask her if she stole it.
If she mentions scuba diving, don’t ask her where she likes to dive or if she’s ever swam with sharks; ask her if she has any mermaids in her family.
Her inbox is probably packed to the brim with stuff like “How was your weekend?” or “What do you like to do for fun?”
Please, for everyone’s sake, break up the monotony with a question she’s never heard before!
Ask for her opinion or advice
This can be a serious inquiry, or a silly one.
Either way, the idea is to ask her what she thinks about something that’s on your mind.
This gives her a chance to share her wit and wisdom and possibly even be helpful to you, while simultaneously letting her know something about you.
Moreover, it lets her know that you value her opinion and care about what she has to say.
“Is it more important to be kind, or effective?”
“Thinking of growing a mustache. What style should I go for?”
“What’s the most underrated smell?”
The subject matters less than the intent of soliciting her thoughts.
Be warned, though: if you ask her opinion, you’re gonna get it. So don’t ask her a question if there’s a chance the answer will crush your ego.
6. Be Unique
Your first Tinder message is your golden opportunity to be unique and set yourself apart from and above the crowd. You’re proving that you’re not just sending the same message to everyone and that you’ve taken an interest in this person.
Say something that will stand out as opposed to the millions of greetings that go unanswered in the Tinder universe. This will definitely be more meaningful than any form of a generic greeting.
Ask her something completely off-the-wall
When in doubt, make ‘em laugh.
Not all humor is created equal, however.
If you’re making a joke at her expense, or the expense of women in general, don’t expect her to laugh. Expect to be unmatched.
You and your bros might find that hilarious, but I guarantee you, it will make any self-respecting woman run for the hills.
Unless of course you’re looking for women with no self-respect.
For the rest of you: stick to silly, funny, absurdist questions. Fun / funny Tinder messages are the perfect antidote for the stress of online dating.
Everybody is out there looking for the solution to a very serious problem: loneliness. It can get really depressing and demoralizing if you let it.
So instead of contributing to the vibe of intensity and neediness, be a light spot in her day by sending her a Tinder message that will make her laugh out loud.
Examples of off-the-wall questions:
“Is cereal soup?”
“Is a hot dog a sandwich?”
“Do TVs feel like they’re being watched all the time?”
“Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?”
Have fun with it!
Because the bottom line is that if you’re not having fun, neither is she. And who wants to go out with someone who’s no fun?
Spoiler alert: it’s nobody.
7. Use GIFS
GIFs are not boring. They grab our attention, provide entertainment, and can convey a lot of emotion in a short span of time. Even a simple “Hello” gif is 10 times more effective than typing the word!
In fact, research shows that gifs are 30 percent more likely to receive a response than a regular Tinder conversation starter.
What are the best GIFs to start a Tinder conversation?
Animal GIFs are a classic conversation opener. You’re unlikely to offend a potential match with a cute animal doing something goofy, and it lets her know right away you have a fun, silly side and don’t take yourself too seriously.
I mean, who wouldn’t want to find this in their inbox?
I think GIFs like these stand alone, but you can also pair a GIF with a matching Tinder opener.
A few examples:
Got anything interesting planned for the weekend?
What do you call this yoga pose?
You rub me the right way
And so on. Just pick a GIF that makes you smile, pair it with any even vaguely related opener, and you’re good to go!
8. Give Her a Multiple-Choice Quiz
A great way to make it super easy to engage with you is to ask your match a multiple-choice question.
Again, this could be about anything. The idea is just to give her no excuse not to respond.
Here are some classic recipes for coming up with clever quizzes of your own.
The ethical dilemma
“You find a camera lying on the street. Do you:
- Try to find the owner
- Leave it where it is
- Take a selfie and put it back
- Keep it. Free camera!”
The profile pop quiz
“In my second profile pic, I’m holding an object. What is it?
- A perfectly ripe avocado
- The last remaining egg of the mystical dragon of Furstenberg
- The heart of my nemesis
- A phone
The random fun fact
“The lyrebird can mimic almost any sound it hears. What was it imitating when researchers discovered this amazing ability?
- A crying baby
- A chainsaw
- A researcher’s voice saying “Did you hear that?”
- A car alarm
The opinion poll
“What should be punishable by death?
- Driving slow in the fast lane
- Putting the milk container back empty
- Falsely claiming the WiFi works fine
- Shoes on the couch
You can even go one step further and create a choose-your-own adventure series for her, like this brilliant fellow did.
The only limit is your own imagination.
9. Be Age-Appropriate
Talking with someone who is in their mid 20’s is completely different to talking to someone in their mid 30’s. And while you could risk it, the chances of hitting the right spot with the same tactic on all matches are low.
Know your audience, and read the room.
Here’s a little cheat sheet compiled after analyzing various conversations:
- 18 – 23 years olds prefer novelty, which means that being creative and using out-of-the-box thinking will score you brownie points.
- 24 – 28 year olds prefer talking about lifestyle topics, like cool brunch spots or travel adventures.
- 29 – 34 year olds prefer chatting on a more personal level, so asking questions about them will work in your favor.
- 35 + year olds prefer conversations about life’s big questions. Get philosophical wit’ it.
10. If All Else Fails, Believe in Second Chances
How to deal with rejection in a Tinder Conversation
Perhaps you’ve followed some or all of the advice above, but that little fishy has yet to bite. It happens.
If that’s your reality, your last chance is to believe in the power of second chances. In other words: go back and send another message!
For example, if you’ve mentioned something about how fun their hiking trip must have been in your first message, and they haven’t responded, you can go back a few days later and say something like, “I guess it wasn’t so fun then, huh?” with a laughing emoji.
In this way, you may be able to salvage the chat.
So, now that you know about these 10 ways to send the perfect first message on Tinder, here’s a complementary cheat sheet of five great first message examples to give you an extra boost!
5 Examples of a Great First Message on Tinder
- Common hobby
IF: She is skiing in one of her photos, and you love snow, winter… or anything else associated with skiing…
THEN: Share a funny skiing story, or ask her for some pointers.
“The first time I went skiing, I accidentally unclipped one of my skis while heading up the mountain on the ski lift. I had to ski on one foot all the way down to where it had fallen. I’m a little better now. ;)”
- Hometown talk
IF: She’s from another city or country and you’ve been there or would like to go there…
THEN: Share some insider knowledge or ask her what it’s like there.
“New Orleans is definitely on my bucket list. When’s the best time to go? Jazz Fest or Mardi Gras?”
- Music to her ears
IF: She has her Spotify music linked to her Tinder profile and you dig her taste in music…
THEN: Quote a song lyric she’s likely to recognize and ask her to identify it.
“Pop quiz! Identify this song lyric:
‘I’m off the deep end, watch as I dive in
I’ll never meet the ground
Crash through the surface, where they can’t hurt us
We’re far from the shallow now’.”
OR, tell her about an experience you’ve had with her favorite band:
Music definitely brings people together.
- Animal instinct
IF: She has a cute pet or expresses an interest in animals…
THEN: Mention your own pet and/or express interest in hers.
- Workin’ 9 to 5
IF: You both work in a similar industry or you find her work fascinating…
THEN: Toss in some industry-specific humor, or ask her a question about what she does.
So, are you ready to ace your first message on Tinder?
If you’re nervous, just remember that starting a conversation on Tinder is way less intimidating than most face-to-face interactions.
Not sure if it’s working?
- Find out over the text if she’s really into you or just being polite.
Go forth, be confident, chat up some fun ladies, and win the heart of your favorite Tinder match!